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Dear Adult me,

Did you succeed in all those crazy plans you made? Every day I look at my to-do list and just say to myself "Not today." But what about you? Did you get off your lazy butt and actually do those things listed? Did you write those countless stories, play all of those amazing games, learn all the knowledge to satisfy you, listen to every song on those lists received, read every book suggested, and all the while still manage to do the chores at home and hang out with every friend?

There's so much I want to ask you, but there's nothing you can say. I want to know if the life I've made now will be the life I have forever. Some days it feels like that's true. Other days it feels like everything I've lived through is a lie.

Did you ever tell that guy how you really feel? That girl? Did you ever become a mother?

As our sister traversed life along side us, we both know the things she went through, and a refresh on her history only strengthens it more. It's scary to think that you might be exactly like her—I know I'm already scared I might be following her footsteps. I at least hope you didn't go through more boyfriends than you can count, and I hope you never lost the chance to have a child, because wanting to be a mother is something our sister longs to do. But more importantly, I wonder if you ever admitted to those friends those feelings of desire. Despite them being girls such as ourselves, I still wonder if you ever had the strength to admit it—the strength that I lack.

Will my best friends still be the best? My worst enemies the worst?

Our mom tells many stories of friends lost, and very few of friends found. I don't want to expect my friends to leave me forever, but I also try to prepare for what could come. But preparing for the loss of a friend is like losing the friend already. I can't do that to them, but at the same time, I can't know if they will still be there after next summer. On the other side, some friends turn around and lost interest in us, becoming enemies for life. If only upon seeing someone's face I could tell if they were a best friend forever of a friend forever forgotten.

Did you ever run away from home? Did your worst fear ever get realized? Did you ever do what you promised yourself you wouldn't?

I scare myself when I think about who you could be—because I actually don't know if you will be the same me. In countless tales of woe, a young maiden becomes a fearsome dragon, or a courageous young boy into a murderous, greedy criminal. It's scary to think that such a person could become me. However I have faith in you—in us. No matter how close it may seem, I know we will be strong. We won't let into the temptation; well, I at least hope not.

Do you still have that drawer full of junk? Did you ever meet our father face to face?

I'm sure I've pushed so many objects from our father to the back of that drawer, and although I can remember them well, I hope that you've forgotten them. But if that drawer is gone, then I'm sure you were forced to remember; or rather, you were forced to remember that you don't remember. I can only guess what that lack of memory might have done to you, so I wonder if you ever put in the effort to find him—to meet him. And I wonder if he is exactly how mom says he is.

Countless other questions rush through my head, but they all merge together and become the same. All I want to know, all I want to ask, is who exactly are we? But as I said before, there's nothing you can say. For all I know you might be watching me as I write this right now. For all I know you could be dead. In the end, the only thing I can say is that I don't know, and that I can't wait to see who exactly are we.
This is way too personal to put on dA, but I'm really proud of myself for putting so much emotion into this, and I really hope I have a chance of winning the contest, so up it goes.

It's tempting to disable comments, but I know some people might actually say something meaningful, so I'm leaving them. Please, if you don't have anything nice to say, say nothing and move on. I don't want anyone judging who I am.

Please don't comment just asking questions, because I probably won't know how to answer them. I'll just say it here in bold so people notice
Don't ask me questions about myself because I don't know the answers yet

But yeah, if you didn't know, my life just turned into pure bull, and I wanted to submit this so I'd have a chance at the contest before the date passed by.
Now I'm off to write an essay, thanks for reading if you took the time to.

I own this. If you steal it I swear I'll hack your computer and break it.
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Pure-Resonance Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist has so much much, well, heart put into this.
Sometimes seeing these kinds of things makes me wonder, but it is all true, because it's your own personal hardships, your own fear, and well your life you have to live with. The future is scary, ans sometimes it is hard not to worry if you grow up into something you wanted or something completely different, someone good or bad, because you won't know until you get there.
There are always doubt, and always curiousity to if you made the right choices or even if you'll regret your decissions. It'd really hard not to worry and want to know. Things are always changing.
Friends are always something that are with you in life, friends come and go all the time, friends can become enemies, there are even people who will pretend to be your friend or are too shy to even ask. People even say things about friends saying your real friends that will stay are the ones that come later in life, everyone has different thoughts on friends, but one thing I think is if a friend matters hold onto that friendship, because those are the ones that matter and even if that friend drifts away cherish that friendship with them because that friendship was meaningful in the end.
Still there are many questions and things anyone will wonder about the future and they won't know until they get there.

Best of luck in the contest, I hope you do well, and even if you don't this is still very fantastic :)
Silvery-Storm Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2012
Oh Eevee :(

I can understand that this is personal to you. I may not be able to comprehend how much this means to you, because our circumstances are different, but I know you and I know that this would be hard for anyone. I just want you to know that even if this was conflicting or even scary to put up and into a contest, I don't feel any differently to you as a person. You're still my friend no matter what's going on in your life and I just hope that I can help pull you through difficult times, along with all the other wonderful people who have seen this or know about what's bothering you and want to help :)

I proud of you for putting this up too. Keeping things bottled up inside never helps to make them better. It's one of those things that our mind tells us is keeping us safe, but really it can just hurt us more. For a start, the problems may never get fixed since nobody knows. They can also inflate until they consume every aspect of your life, whether they should or not. One day, you may very well look back on this and be disappointed or proud. But for now, you've released these feelings into words and expressed them. You can let them go. Even if just relaxing your grips on those problems, you can let them go a little and turn to a brighter future.

I just want to say, that I can't even write to-do lists. And I never finish games. And the first book that I was ever suggested to read and took the suggestion seriously... was Twilight. Of all the books in the world that I could've considered reading because someone told me to, it was that. Oh dear. And I never finished that either.
And what you said about keeping close friends in the future... that really hit home for me too. I've made and lost plenty of friends for some reason or another, but I never talk about it, even about the ones that I still miss today. I guess that you have to take down bridges to make new ones, and they may not be in relation to one another, but it still happens. You shouldn't cry because it's over, you should smile because it happened :)

I know you're strong, stronger than a lot of people that I know, and that you can pull through this. Just the fact that you wrote to your future self proves that you know there's something waiting for you, and good or bad you're strong enough to face it. So don't give up, Eevee. There's plenty of things out there for you, plenty of opportunities and experiences, plenty of things to learn and to laugh about, and there's plenty of time to find them. Just take one step at a time, because that's what life is: a step at a time.

You can do it :hug:
Kokokagamine Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2012
Wow, so much emotion put into it and a lot of little messages put into it, I love it.
It's the curiousity of the future but you can't question it as why don't you go make it happen? So much unanswered questions which can't be answered, fear of the loss the future holds and how 'preparing to lose a friend is like losing the friend already', beautiful line. Really hit me.

It is really personal but then that adds the feeling and a much more deeper meaning in a single writing, amazing structure and language used.
TheGarbear98 Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I am very impressed with your writing and wish you the best of luck for the contest. I think you will win, and even if you don't always remember too, that we learn best from our mistakes more then why we won. You always been a true friend to me, and I will always respect you for who you are and what you done for everyone, including our friends and myself and your own work, and I hope you find your answers day by day slowly and cherish every moment you find them and the ones that are bad to be left in peace to move on and make new quests for the next tomorrow. :hug: Thank you for being a true friend, and good luck.
Sagojyousartpage Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Dear ev13il,

Even though I haven't met you in person before, you are one of my really good friends. And I hope I am one of your (good, but if not, that's fine too) friends.

I can tell that there are a lot of emotions in this. Why do mental breakdowns happen? Why is life sometimes so hard on us? I ask, because I went through a terrible breakdown today as well.

But through that, I learned a lot. The warmth of people, the cruelty and selfishness of people, how little we are as humans, yet how we can touch a life, with or without knowing it.

I think, the future you will know the answers to all your questions. If not, the "more" future you may. I think what you wrote will take a moment out of the readers' life and make them think about their own life. It is important to reflect, and also to look into the future.

I think this is a well-written piece, and that in the future, you will read this and hopefully, smile.

Even though I do not know you, I want to help you. So please, if you feel the need to, feel free to text/call/note me, because I want to help you, and anyone else, that needs help.



P.S: This totally inspired me to write about my mental breakdown that happened today, so thank you.
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